When enough is enough

I was out walking the dogs with my boyfriend Thom yesterday and was admittedly feeling rather sorry for myself in the current state I’m in while trying to wrack my brains figuring out what’s causing my body to behave like this. If it’s too much time in front of a laptop, I’m screwed because it’s part and parcel of my career; no laptop, no job. If it’s stress then what the hell am I supposed to do, never get stressed again in my life? Not a chance. While I was whittling on, Thom made a valid point that I hate to admit, but I think he’s right.

“You were working out 6 times a week, and not just low intensity stuff, you were really pushing hard. With all the health problems you have, you’ve burned yourself out. You’re having to constantly fight to keep your health stable with exercise, but you’ve then pushed so far that you’ve actually caused yourself harm. You need to do less.”

I got really angry, not at him for pointing it out, but because I knew he was probably right. My whole life has been a constant balancing act of trying not to do too much vs. not doing enough, both of which end badly. My neurological condition means that I’m not necessarily as healthy as your Average Joe and it’s something I try and ignore, but maybe my body is reminding me I can’t.

So many people live with perfect health with no serious medical conditions and they just waste it, causing conditions that could have been avoided through looking after their bodies and it makes me really angry. I do everything within my power to look after my body and I still struggle with things that are beyond my control and it’s not fair.

So now, I’ve got to decide how many sessions per week to cut down and what two areas to focus on. I should really do yoga to help my stress levels, but I love weightlifting and still have a gym membership for the next 9 months and I’ve also got a charity run coming up that I need to train for. I’ll have to cut Zumba out and focus on weightlifting and running, two things I really enjoy. I guess to help my stress levels, I’ll just substitute yoga for meditation.

I think for now 3 times a week is reasonable, but the thought of running just once a week breaks my heart. I know there are things in life we can’t control, but it still doesn’t mean I’m okay with my situation. I’ve always said “if you don’t like something, change it or change your attitude towards it” and that means I’ve got to accept that my health restricts my exercise regime, but right now I can’t even think about it without feeling bitter. Things may change in the future, but as it stands I’ve got to rein it in a bit and forget my long term fitness goals, which royally sucks.